The Nostalgia Gal
by Phoenix of the Darkness
Summary: Parody of Nostalgia Critic. Phoenix gives her opinion on the TV shows, movies, books, and anime that no guy would get near. Rated for Language. Current Review: Hannah Montana
1. Hannah Montana

Phoenix of the Darkness sat in an empty room, looking toward a camera with a slight smile on her face. "Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Gal, I remember it--" She stopped suddenly, as a tapping sound came from the ceiling. "Huh?" Part of the ceiling then came crashing down, revealing Nukid, Lunatic121, and DW64 in a dog pile, dazed. Phoenix sputtered out nonsense for a moment, before shouting out "What are you three doing here?! I told you, I've got it handled!"

"You've gotta have an original catchphrase!" Loony exclaimed. "Or you're just ripping off the Critic! You're bad enough already, calling yourself 'The Nostalgia Chick 2.0'."

"I told you once before, I'm the Nostalgia Gal!"

"Whatever you say, Nostalgia Girl," DW said nonchalantly.

"Gal!"

"Girl, Gal, Gall, it's all the same."

"No it is not!"

"She's right, but that's not the point," Nukid said. "Like Loon said, you've got to be original in the catchphrase."

A vein pulsed in Phoenix's forehead. "I was getting around to that when the three of you flew in through the ceiling! GRAVITY SLAM!" The three of them were sent blasting out of the room at high speed. Phoenix sat back down, and she breathed deeply.

"Moving on." She smiled again, like the entire past five minutes hadn't happened. "I love Disney. I mean, who doesn't love Disney? The characters, the songs, the morals all make you believe that you can really--" From off-screen, somebody handed her a note. "--hm. Well, I don't know what this is, but it can wait until later." The off-screen person coughed. "Okay, I guess I have to read it now." She continued to speak, as she opened the note up. "But in just a second, I'll be sharing with you the Top Eleven--" Her eyes widened as she read the note. "No, no, this can't be right, I thought I was doing the Top Eleven Nostalgic Disney Movies!" Her hands shook, as she tried to get out of the chair, almost falling to the floor in the process. "B-b-but, please, don't--"

A logo appeared on the screen, with two rhyming words that sent teenage boys running for the hills.

**"HANNAH MONTANA."**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

**(10 Minutes later)**

Phoenix sniffled, and took a deep breath. "Okay, sorry. Just, took me by surprise there. Yeah...moving on! Hannah Montana, the single biggest show on Disney Channel today, and the Disney Company's biggest cash cow...emphasis on 'cow'." She sighed. "Now, admittedly, recently Miley Cyrus has been trying to distance herself from the 'Hannah Montana' persona. Hannah sings the same songs as always, and wears really flashy clothing, whereas Miley sings very mature music, and her clothes are a bit more plain." Phoenix then grinned evilly. "However, that doesn't mean that I can't make fun of it anyways!"

"When the show first started out, I was a pretty big fan of it. I bought the first two CDs, and I watched all the new episodes. The first season was actually pretty good."

"It starts out making clear that Miley Stewart and Hannah Montana are the same person. It's--" Phoenix struggled to keep speaking "--'The Best of Both Worlds'. The civilian persona, and the popstar persona. From what we can tell at the beginning, none of 'Miley's' friends know about her popstar life, and none of 'Hannah's' friends know about her civilian life. The only people who know are her father--played by her real father, Billy Ray Cyrus--her brother, Jackon--played by Jason Earles--her bodyguard, Roxy, and her...costume designer who appeared in a grand total of one episode." Phoenix blinked, and sighed.

"Now, I want you to consider this for a moment. For just a normal person, you have to go through many security checks to fly. A celebrity has to go through many security checks, and they have to have I.D. to go to other countries. Y'know, passports? As far as I know, it's illegal to get a passport under an assumed name. But of course, I.D. never matters in this show except when it's convenient for the plot. Otherwise, we'd have this."

**(cutaway gag)**

At the Customs in France, 'Hannah Montana' stood at a desk. The secretary asked 'May I see your passport?"

She blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Your passport? Identification in a foreign country?"

"But, I'm Hannah Montana, everybody knows who I am." She grinned in an attempt to look cute.

The secretary sighed. "If you can't produce a passport, you will be returned to the United States. Now may I please see a passport?!"

**(end gag)**

"Exactly." She sighed. "Moving on. Miley's best friend is Lilly Trescot--played by Emily Osment--who is Hannah's Number 1 fan. Of course, the name of the first episode is 'Lilly Do You Want To Know a Secret?' Long story short, Lily finds out that Miley is Hannah, they fight, they hug, the end. A few episodes later, the guy in their group, Oliver Oakins--played by Mitchel Musso--who's in love with Hannah--" Phoenix clenched her fists. "HAVE THESE PEOPLE NO SHAME?!!!" "--finds out as well...and loses his crush on Hannah. How did that happen?"

Phoenix hit her head against the desk. "The rest of Season 1 consists of a lot of hijinks, both dealing with Miley's life, Hannah's life, and a whole lot of stuff in-between. One of the biggest things concerns a T.V. star, Jake Ryans, showing up in Miley's school. At first, Miley hates him, because he pretends to act like he's normal, but has a giant ego. However, because he says that he wants to be normal, she ends up crushing on him. And they don't end up together by the end of the season." She hit her head against the desk. "Damn it."

She took a deep breath. "Okay, then. We're on to Season 2, which is a little worse than Season 1. Funny moments are few and far between, but there are a few gems that really stand out. Unfortunately, the first episode is not one of them. It's Miley, Lilly, and Oliver's first day of High School." Phoenix hit her head against the desk. "Sixteen year-olds playing freshman. If there were a God in this world, he would be merciful and let a lightning bolt strike me down now."

Phoenix paused for a moment, and pulled out an umbrella. At that moment, Lunatic came running back into the room. "Did you have to hit me with--" And a lightning bolt came through the ceiling, and struck Loony. He fell to the ground, blackened but alive.

Phoenix muttered under her breath as she put the umbrella away. "As I was saying, it's their first day of high school, and Miley suddenly gets a text message, saying that somebody knows her secret. She automatically assumes that somebody knows that she's Hannah Montana. It turns out to be Rico, the annoying kid who owns Rico's Shack at the beach. By the end of the episode, it's revealed that he didn't know that she was Hannah Montana, but rather, he got a picture of her..." Phoenix gulped. "...Teddy Bear. Beary the Bear. Who she brought to school with her. In her backpack. I am completely serious. Look!" She reached aside, and pulled a screen into view.

---

Lily and Miley are sitting in the courtyard of the high school, Miley hugging a teddy bear, with Lily in disbelief. "You brought Beary the Bear to school?"

"Hey!" Miley exclaims. "It was a big day, I was nervous, and...he wanted to see the school!" Cue laugh track.

Lily rolls her eyes. "Well, would you please zip him back up?"

Miley sighed, and starts to do so. "Okay...but not all the way, he's afraid of the dark."

---

Phoenix was hitting her forehead against the desk...again. She looked up at the camera. "A sixteen year-old freshman brought her teddy bear to school, and claims that he's afraid of the dark. And she's afraid of the dentist!" She grinned a very fake grin. "Yep. Later in the season, we discover her fear of the dentist." She shook her head in shame. "What are these writers smoking...

"So, you remember Jake Ryan, right? He returns from a movie he was filming in Romania, and tries to win Miley's heart back. He succeeds...reminds me of another 'perfect' boyfriend..." She rubbed her chin in thought.

**(cutaway gag)**

Edward Cullen is begging at Bella's feet. "Please, Bella, take me back."

"No, Edward, it's not going to work," Bella insisted.

"If you take me back, I'll change you into a vampire," Edward offered.

Bella spun around. "Okay!"

**(end gag)**

"So they try to go out, and Jake tells Miley his greatest secret..."

---

"My real name is Leslie."

---

Phoenix had dropped from the chair in a fit of laughter. She crawled back up. "I'm sorry, but the funny part isn't the name. The funny part is how serious he says it. He might as well have been saying 'I've got three days to live' he was so serious." She breathed deeply, and managed to stop the laughing.

"It was so stupid. And so, because Miley knows Jake's greatest secret, she feels guilty, and so she does the obvious."

---

"I'm Hannah Montana."

---

"So Jake, inspired by Miley's double-life, tries to lead a double-life himself, and fails miserably. Miley breaks up with him, and we move on with the show." Phoenix leaned her head back. "I hate this chick so, so much. However, let's keep going.

"The rest of Season 2 is all trash...except for one episode, that is one of the best in the series." Phoenix grinned. "Throughout the series, leading up to it, there are multiple references to an 'Uncle Earl'. The things said hint that he's obese, lazy, and is generally a typical hillbilly. He never appears in person, until this episode, 'Uncle Earl.' This episode is hilarious, from the first minute."

---

Jackson turns on the T.V., and the opening notes to 'The Best of Both Worlds' plays. He slaps his forehead. "Oh my God when is this not on!"

---

Phoenix laughed slightly. "It should be noted that at the time that this episode premiered, Hannah Montana was being shown up to eight times a day. Yeah. I know." She smiled. "Then, Uncle Earl's arrival--"

---

The door to the Stewart house comes open. Miley and Jackson look over. "Uncle Earl!"

Uncle Earl waves around a sack with something in it. "Hey everyone! I ran over this in Texas, who wants to grill it up!"

---

"It's revealed that Uncle Earl came to L.A.--wait a second, Los Angeles!--"

**(cutaway gag)**

Outside the Stewart House, X Prodigy pulls out his guns, and grins maliciously.

**(end gag)**

Phoenix blinked. "Uncle Earl came to L.A. to become a big rock star. At first, Miley is embarrassed by him. Frankly, I don't get why! Sure, he doesn't play pop very well, but his hard rock guitar is awesome!"

"Heck yeah!" Goddess came sliding across the floor in front of her, playing her guitar at high speed. A crashing noise followed her exit on the other side.

"Miley learns a lesson that you have to put up with your family, and lets him play, at the same time impressing a big music critic, who is played by the same guy who voices Iago in _Aladdin_! And all's well that ends well." Phoenix frowned. "Except for the fact that this is the last good episode in the series.

"The rest of the season has nothing good. Season 3 just continues all the great life lessons. Like, not discriminating against the vertically challenged. Miley dates a short guy, and is uncomfortable with that." Phoenix considered that for a moment. "They should have had her date Edward Elric!"

**(cutaway gag)**

Miley and Ed are walking back to her house together. "So, what'd you think of it?" Ed asked her.

"It was...alright," Miley said uncomfortably. "Ed, there's something I need to tell you. I don't think this is going to work out. It's just that..."

"What is it?"

"You're just...short. There, I said it. Ed, are you alright?"

A vein pulsed in Ed's head. "Short? SHORT!" He grabbed her by her shirt, and started throwing her around at high speed. "CAN A SHORTIE DO THIS? HUH? WHAT'RE YOU GONNA CALL ME NEXT, A HALF-PINT BEAN-SPROUT MIDGET! I'M STILL GROWING YOU MORON!!!!" He let go of her, and Miley went sailing through the air, and landed somewhere out at sea.

Ed stuck his hands in his pockets. "Hmph. Good riddance."

**(end gag)**

"Eventually, Miley's friends, Lily and Oliver, get together as a couple. Naturally, this being a very bad sit-com, relationship problems come up as Oliver starts falling for Miley...I thought he was over that!" Phoenix sighed, and rubbed her temples. "Thank God I stopped watching after that. Thank God, because I can't go any further with this."

She sat up, and sighed. "So, in conclusion, it started good, but the writers ran out of ideas, and so thank God it's ending in 2011. Sure, it's a while from now, but at least they know they had to end it somewhere. The story sucks, the characters are flat, and they try way to hard to make Miley the really big star. Seriously, y'know what one of my biggest qualms with this show is? They make out Miley to be this amazing singer who's beautiful to boot, and Lily as a tomboy with no singing voice. Emily Osment is a much better singer than Miley Cyrus, and she's a lot better looking than Miley. Go look up her song 'If I Didn't Have You' done with Mitchel Musso, and listen to it." Phoenix looked forward expectantly. "Go ahead, I'll wait." She tapped the desk for a few minutes, before continuing.

"Okay, if you didn't actually listen to it, that's alright. But the point is, they completely downplay Lily. In every argument Miley and Lily get into, Lily looks like the bad guy. And more often, Lily and Oliver are seen to be just tagging along with Hannah's fame. Jesus Christ. But then again, who's gonna have a career after this ends? Huh? Let's look at the stats, courtesy of the Internet Movie Database:

**Miley Cyrus: Near-Future Movies: 3**

"Hah! Three! Take that, Miley!"

**Emily Osment: Near-Future Movies: 0**

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!"

"Well, that's it, I guess. Hannah Montana sucks, but eventually it'll pass. I give Season 2 and on two thumbs down."

Lunatic finally stood up after he had been struck by lightning earlier. "Nice review, Nostalgia Chick 2.0." He stumbled out of the room in a daze.

Phoenix hit her head against the desk again. She now had a large red mark on her forehead. "I'm the Nostalgia Gal. I remember it, because NOBODY ELSE DOES!" She walked out of the room, muttering to herself.


	2. Twilight

_Disclaimer: I own nothing._

Phoenix sat at the desk once again, this time wearing a turtleneck and a violet bowtie. "Is it on?"

"How should I know?" said somebody who sounded like his mouth was full, like he was smoking a cigarette.

"Is the red light blinking?"

"It's been going for the past five minutes."

"Goddammit, Wolfwood!" Phoenix sighed, and smiled pleasantly. "Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Gal, I review it because nobody else will.

"Here's a question for all of you. What is the biggest book series out right now? Is it Harry Potter?"

**NO!**

"The Inheritance Cycle?"

**NO!**

"Percy Jackson and the Olympians?"

**NO!**

"Twilight?"

**YES! *fangirl squee***

"Ah, Twilight, love it, hate it, or somewhere in the middle--like myself--it's the most famous book series today. In case you live under a rock, Twilight is a story about a girl named Bella Swan, who moves to a small town with her dad, and while there meets Edward Cullen, who turns out to be a vampire, and falls in love with him. Later books chronicle the growing love triangle between Edward, Bella, and a werewolf named Jacob Black.

"I'll admit myself, the story is decent. Unfortunately, the writing quality is equivalent to that of 95% of Kingdom Hearts fics. That is to say, bad, horrible vocabulary, Self-Insert Mary Sue main character, and everything leads up to an anticlimax.

"If you don't believe me, consider this: in professional writing, it's very rare when one author criticizes another. A few years back, Stephen King, arguably the greatest fantasy-horror writer of all time, said of Stephanie Meyer '[she] can't write worth a darn.' This has, naturally, gotten the major Twilight fans to hate him beyond words, claiming that _he_ is the one who has no writing talent." Phoenix paused, then burst out laughing.

Cooling down, Phoenix said "Now then, before we start, there's one thing I'd like to say." She reached down, and picked up a megaphone. She switched it on, and turned it up to full volume. She screamed into it "**BELLA SWAN IS A WHORE, A MARY SUE, AND A REALLY BAD CHARACTER IN GENERAL! IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME SAYING THAT, GO SCREW YOURSELF!!!**" She turned it off, and set it down.

"Wolfwood, are you alright."

"I didn't need those eardrums anyways."

We are having technical difficulties, please stand by. *elevator music*

Phoenix jumped back into the chair. "Okay then! With Wolfwood in the hospital, I now have Riku as my camera man. And he is wearing earplugs. Yeah..." She clapped her hands together. "Okay, everyone, get ready, because this is Twilight."

_"How can I decide what's right, when you're clouding up my mind, can't win this losing fight, all the time..."_

"It starts out with Bella Swan, sick of the city life, going to live with her dad in the small town of Forks, Washington. Which is interesting, since it seems like any time she isn't obsessing over Edward, she's complaining about how unlike the city Forks is.

"Anyways, a little summary about Forks: it's home to the Quileute Indian Tribe, the high school has an enrollment of about 600, and it rains 363 days out of the year. Yeah. It sucks. But, because of the almost no sunlight, that means it's a perfect place for vampires!

"So Bella starts going to school in Forks, and everybody knows who she is because her dad is the sheriff. She makes a lot of friends, but then, lunch comes!" _Dun, dun, dun!_ "And she sees the Cullen siblings, and learns from one girl who isn't very important that of the five, there are two couples." Phoenix's eyes narrowed. "Hey, wait a minute! Even adopted, isn't that still incest!"

She proceeded to pull out a dictionary. "Incest: noun: sexual intercourse between closely related persons." She threw it away, and said "You see! For shame, Stephanie Meyer, you're teaching kids bad things, very bad things!

"Moving on, Bella almost immediately sees the youngest of the siblings, Edward Cullen. Who later ends up being her biology partner, and he appears to hate her at first. And his eyes are black. Because he hasn't fed in a while. Yeah.

"So, Edward vanishes for a few days! And when he comes back, he pays attention to her. And his eyes are golden now." Phoenix slapped her forehead. "Really, this is where Bella is kind of stupid. Even after he denied having colored contacts, she just goes back to her idiot self, and doesn't really try to push it.

"So, the two of them are biology partners and Bella ends up sitting next to him and the other Cullens at lunch. Her other friends don't like this, even though she's known them for barely any time at all.

"It's all hunky-dory pretty much, until one day before school, middle of winter, Bella is getting out of her clunker-truck, and Edward is across the parking lot." Phoenix slapped her hands on the table, and started talking like a newscaster. "Suddenly, out of nowhere came a car sliding across the asphalt! Bella will surely be killed! But what's this? It's Edward out of nowhere, pushing Bella out of the way, and, and...he did it, ladies and gentlemen, Edward Cullen has stopped the car...with his bare...hands..."

She had a curious look on her face now. "It seems like Edward likes Sue-level beauty. I wonder..."

(cutaway gag)

Bella stepped out of her car as Edward glanced at her from across the parking lot. Suddenly, a squealing voice alarmed them both! A car was sliding towards Bella, and she couldn't get out of the way!

Edward started running...and stopped, as 'Enoby' Dark'ness Dementia Way walked in front of him. He grinned pervertedly, and Bella was hit by the car. Edward shouted out "I'll be right back, just give me a second!" He ran after Enoby to try and get her number.

(end gag)

"Never mind. Bella eventually goes to a campfire out on the Quileute reservation in La Push, invited by Jacob Black, a boy she occasionally played with when she came out to Forks when she was a little kid. Jacob...Jacob is really cool, and he's a lot better than Edward. Unfortunately, at this point he isn't yet a werewolf, so he's not as cool.

"He takes her aside and tells her a story in his tribe about the 'cold ones', a euphism for vampires, and how supposedly they live in Forks. He might as well say 'The Cullens are a clan of vampires!' but isn't allowed to because of a treaty made between the Cullens and the Quileute.

"Bella goes home and starts researching vampires. She comes to the conclusion, through various observations, that Edward is a vampire, and confronts him about it."

--

"I decided it didn't matter," Bella said.

"You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not _human_?"

"No."

Edward said nothing, and there was a long silence. Bella eventually said "I'm curious. How old are you?"

"Seventeen."

"How long have you been seventeen?"

"A while."

--

"Almost a hundred years, actually. He was born in the middle of the Great Depression, to be specific. As you can tell, this scene is a bit different from the movie. They kind of compressed it in the movie, to be a little faster, which is alright, a lot of it is just more of Stephanie Meyer's filler.

"Bella and Edward enter a deep relationship. No, not that kind of relationship!" Phoenix shook her head at the perverts of the world. "Eventually, Bella learns something...kind of creepy. Because Edward doesn't need to sleep, and he's read every book in the Forks library and is a master of many different instruments, he's taken up something new to do at night. Watch Bella sleep."

Suddenly, Dark Guitar Goddess appeared on-screen. She sang "_He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, his name is Edward Cullen so get ready to be RAPED!_"

"Where did you come from?"

"I have no idea." Goddess vanished in a puff of smoke.

Phoenix opened her mouth, and shut it again. "Did you just see that, Riku?"

Riku was too busy laughing to reply.

"That's a yes. Soon after this comes the most infamous chapter, where Edward reveals that...he sparkles in the sun. This is the source of many Twi-tard fantasies, such as having sex with Edward Cullen. And some of the creepiest Twi-tard habits, such as making a sparkly sex toy, and sticking it in the fridge. Since, y'know, Edward is dead. And cold." Phoenix was shaking. She stood up, and ran off-screen, and came back wearing an outfit similar to the Major from Hellsing.

"It has been said that I don't like Twi-tards. My friends, I don't like Twi-tards. No, my friends, I HATE TWI-TARDS! I hate Team Edward and Jacob shirts. I hate soccer moms who obsess over Jacob's abs. I hate obsessive fans. I hate self-insert fanfictions. I hate the thesaurus writing. I hate the backpacks, the purses, the jewelry.

"I hate the people who show up at the Twilight movie and shriek when Jacob takes off his shirt. I hate people who waste their money on bad graphic novels. I hate buttons, trading cards, and dolls. I hate the possibility of a Twilight videogame, unless I may kill Edward Cullen again, and again, and again.

"And now, my friends, I have but one thing to say: we, the last remaining of the normals in this world, shall take down the Twi-tards, one by one, crush their dreams into dust, burn the books, destroy the DVDs and t-shirts. And we, the geeks of the world, shall rule all! My friends...let's bring them hell."

She turned her head as Mistress of Dawn entered the room. "Vat, vat is it?" she said in a very bad german accent. "I am at my moment of triumph! And you will pay for interrupting me! You vill burn, burn, BUUUURRRNNNN!!!" Phoenix started foaming at the mouth, and Dawn proceeded to heave a bucket of water at her. Phoenix spat out a mouthful, and her water-soaked hat fell off. "Too over-the-top?" Dawn nodded. "Right. Sorry."

(later)

Phoenix had gotten back into her old clothes, her hair still soaking wet. "Okay! Bella and Edward go out, Bella watches a vampire version of baseball, when some evil vampires show up, who drink human blood and not animal blood.

"The leader of the three, James, wants to drink Bella's blood, so she's hidden by Edward to save her. But then, while hiding in the big city, Bella runs from her two guards, Alice and Jasper, because she got a call from James that convinced her that he had captured her mother, and would kill her if she wouldn't come alone.

"This choice I don't really blame her for. I mean, after all, it was her mom, it wasn't like she could have known that her mom's voice was actually part of an old home movie of theirs and it was a trap intended to ignite Edward's rage...yeah."

--

In the dance studio, James continually taunted Bella to try and get a reaction out of her. He threw her into a mirror, and snapped her leg with his bare hands. Blood ran down her face, and James' hunger was getting the best of him. Bella raised up her hand in a feeble attempt to protect herself, and James lunged for her.

--

"The Cullen's show up, including Edward. It turns out that James had bitten Bella on the hand, which would lead to her becoming a vampire if left untreated. The circumstances force Edward to overcome his want for her blood, and he is able to draw out the venom in her system without going too far.

"Frankly, it's a very nicely-done moment. I really liked when he's trying to save her from the same fate as him. Hey, who said I couldn't like some of it?

"After being released from the hospital, Edward takes Bella to the Junior Prom. Bella asks him to turn her into a vampire, so they can be together forever. Okay, so it's kind of cheesy, considering they're only seventeen, but whatever.

"Edward, however, says no. He doesn't want to do it, at least not yet. The book ends with..."

--

_ Bella touched his face. "Look," she said. "I love you more than everything else in the world combined. Isn't that enough?"_

_ "Yes, it is enough," he answered, smiling. "Enough for forever."_

_ And he leaned down to press his cold lips once more to my mouth._

--

"And that is Twilight. Cheesy moments and mediocre writing add up to one of the best-selling book series today." Phoenix smiled. "And for all its faults, I love it.

"I know, earlier I said that I hated the Twi-tards, and I do. But I also hate the Haters. You know, the ones who think that it's retarded and all copies should be burned. The thing is, most of them don't even hate it for a logical reason, like bad writing. Nope, they hate it because it's mythologically inaccurate.

"Okay, so what if 'real' vampires don't sparkle in the sun, so what if 'real' werewolves can't control themselves when they transform. It's a book, none of it's real at all. Not to mention the fact that it's genre is a Romance-Fantasy. The Romance comes first, because that's the more important part. It's a love story, through and through. The only fantasy part is the vampires and werewolves.

"So, cool it. I'm not saying you have to read it. But do the research, and don't bash something just because it doesn't go along with every other thing out there. In Hellsing, some vampires can survive being struck by silver weapons, in Buffy the Vampire Slayer they can't shape-shift, and in Cirque du Freak they have almost no powers at all!

"To wrap this up, I have one thing left to say. Screw Edward Cullen, I want Edward Elric!" From off-screen an iced-tea glass hit her in the head. "Hey, who did that?"

A bright-blue...ghost...thing float in. She was wearing a Team Edward shirt and carried a Harry Potter wand. "I am the Spirit of Public Opinion! Anytime you go against me, I'll hit you in the head with an iced-tea glass!"

"Any way to stop it?"

**NO!**

"Right." Phoenix sighed and shook her head as the spirit vanished. "Like I said, shut up Haters and Twi-tards, not everything is consistent in fiction.

"I'm the Nostalgia Gal, I review it because nobody else will."

_Pros: Good romance story._

_Cons: Bad writing_

_Grade: C+_


End file.
